 the terrible threes
Crazy, right? It’s been three years of this ridiculousness. Don’t believe me? I don’t either but there is documentary evidence so I kinda have to gape and nod along. I tell you. Three years of doing this – it’s launched me on a trajectory I never imagined, from a place of desperation and confusion all the way to a place of desperation and sadness. Basically what I am trying to say is that through Nobody Scores! I have really grown as a person and I hope you have too.
I’M A CYLON WITH A PLAN
It’s true! I am making shit up as I go along, you’re gonna love it, except for the part where I have Beans descend into the black market netherworld to sort things out with a hooker in his past, all edgy and shit. That part you just won’t understand my tortured genius. But you will feel the torture at least, and isn’t that what counts? I think so.
Anyway for reals. My Traditional Summer Break to Pause And Reflect is coming late this year, like end of July maybe. Then, I will be trying to do as many different things with this comic as possible. A month of one-panels, five days a week? Possible! Journal comics from Sara’s, Jane’s, Beans’s, Raoul’s points of view? Possible! Anything can happen when I desperately flail around trying not to be crushed by my boredom, which is what Nobody Scores! is about to me. But first I am going to try something someone in the comments suggested, many many months ago, and probably forgot about. I remember dug through my invisible comment archives to find it, because I am deeply unfair. Also, you can suggest new artistic directions in the comments and for a limited time I might follow them! If you suggest “try being funny” I will ban you.
TRUFFLES
My investment in the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm has paid off thusly:
Was The Uncanny Valley good for you? Have you had enough? Yes? I DENY YOUR PREFERENCES
I was unaware some Youtube boneheads went and made that Dragonball Z cartoon good, but there you go.
I was also not acquainted with Tom Gauld’s cartoons since I do not live in England where he is published a lot. If perhaps you are interested in the dry-humor approach to cartoon art (as opposed to the local very very wet humor approach) then this artist is very good at it.
Find inspiration in vintage posters for terrible movies! I plan to. Also: posters for more modern movies, except they didn’t use them.
I fruitlessly encourage readers to congratulate whatever they want to in the comments. For instance, I congratulate Babylonians. Babylonians, you rock and I want you to know that.
[33] machines of flubbing grace
Here is the problem of drawing giant robots. First, you get the idea. “It’ll be cool/ awesome/ hilarious to draw a giant Voltron robot,” you think, and so you make a comic script about the giant robot finally, and you start drawing it. And drawing it. And drawing it.
Because drawing giant Voltron-type robots takes fuckin’ forever, right? And forever, my friends, is enough time – to reflect.
You ask yourself how, at this point in your life – for you are at least nominally a grown-ass adult human – how at this juncture you have come to draw a giant Voltron robot. Willingly. At your option, right? You could have drawn something else. What does it say about you, that you’re by yourself, drawing a giant toy robot, instead of like driving a nice car to somewhere, and – oh, fuck, you forgot to connect the actuator to the wingding, crapnuggets, well, you’re drawing it ironically so people shouldn’t notice, and what does that say about you?
Drawing hott girlz tends to go similarly for me and that’s one of the reasons1 I barely ever do that or try very hard when I do – it’s extremely irritating. I’m not really scared of drawing anything, but there are things that enrage me, trying to get them right.
Anyway I also want to mark that comic as one that will mysteriously woooooh change a bit as it lurks in the archives for a while. I screwed something up, there. It’s not the robot.
1 Other than basically being really bored of objectifying female characters in comics/TV/movies – I hope it’s sort of clear that however many times Sara and Jane get it in the neck it’s not because they’re women. This has been your Verry Serious Footnote.
IRONIC MOVIE NIGHT, YEAR 2018 EDITION
The upcoming remake of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, you know, the one where they take out all the elements that made it so much better than the title made it sound – because that is why it’s got geek cred, fundamentally, it was a show that was better than it had any right to be – they take all that out, and reimagine it, starting with the core idea, which is terrible. That is the first movie. The second is the sequel to Heathers. Unless of course God is just and strikes both of these movies down in the development phase.
NOBODY SCORES IN OUR CULTURE VAULTS
We have recently made a number of acquisitions.
Footage of Kermit the Frog’s abusive father has been released.
Evidence that the Japanese have seen fit to upgrade perfectly good Ninja Turtles.
You put your middle finger in the air and you wave it like you just don’t AW GOD NO THE OBSCENITY OF IT STOP JUST STOP
If I ever have physical booths selling physical comic-type objects, such booths will be designed by Adelbert Ames. Figure 1, Figure 2. It will be fun times!
Did you watch the MTV Movie Awards? Me neither. But I’m pretty sure this was the good part, so I have acquired it to share with you.
This comic is about to e x p l o d e.
[30] allow me to reintroduce myself
Hey everybody. Bear with me, my long-suffering readers, as I recount the basics of the Nobody Scores! experience here in this space — I’m conducting a little bit of an ad blitz and I figured an orientation would be in order.
This here cartoon entertainment, Nobody Scores!, is a comic where anything can happen — especially to the main characters, moneymaking Sara, fun-seeking Jane, tortured multi-class artist/schlub Beans, and tortured downstairs neighbor and academic Raoul — anything can happen, anything at all, so long as it’s dire. See here for a more extended explanation, and here for insight as to the recurring bit characters. The little portraits on the topbar also bring up information.
Nobody Scores! updates twice a week, always behind schedule. To facilitate reading, there’s an RSS feed, a Livejournal feed, a Twitter account, a Facebook group, and delicious aspirin.
Some of my favorite Nobody Scores! misadventures so far:
• Meet The New Boss is the first strip to really summarize the character dynamics.
• Chimps vs. Teens is a necessary bit of documentary, I think.
• It’s Even Worse Than It Looks is about as disgusting as I get and that is pretty disgusting. Readers suffer too! Oh you’re gonna love this cartoon of mine I just know it.
• Wally Rogers The Rescue Dog is coming to save the day.
• No mortal man can escape The Paste That Binds.
• Sometimes I have robots! See the Frozen Fresh Bonus Pack.
• Ironic Distance investigates the benefits and pitfalls of dealing with texts at a certain remove in a way I believe to be stimulating.
• Yr. god will not save you: What Happens Now.
• Concrete Epiphany, it is agreed, constitutes a significant advance for the arts.
• Jane Amuck provides historical context.
• Cultural investigations are at the heart of Nobody Scores! Indeed, Nobody Scores with Wackness.
• First impressions are crucial. Nobody Scores with The Big Entrance.
• Finally: tread lightly, because Nobody Scores vs. Mascot Bob.
Thanks for reading! Your brain-juice will power my secret underground brain-juice motor. I should probably hook it up to something now.
NOT JUST NEWS TO YOU, NEWS TO EVERYONE
I was interviewed again, slowly, over the course of months! Essentially I am a tree-person. You can read the results at This Week in Webcomics, right here.
THE PART WHERE I SPREAD LINKS AND IT’S ALL STICKY
Nobody Scores with bacon, it’s true, but everyone scores with these. MmmmmMMMMMMMmmm.
I spent the week wishing I could beatbox instead of draw. “But, Brandon,” you say, since we’re totally on a first-name basis and shit, “I enjoy your drawings,” because you do, “and I don’t enjoy beat-boxing!” Well more fool you because you would be missing out on shit that’ll change you. Now if only they could get hooked up with one of these.
Finally. A site of illusions. The web-design of this page is, sadly, also an illusion; I recommend clicking on the sidebar where it says 2009 finalists, 2008 finalists, etc.
Also, new peoples such as may exist & care: down here is where you comment. Or disambiguate testify, as is my current whim. Go!
[23] and elsewhere on this fine afternoon or whatever
Ok I give up. Not comicking! — but commenting. Not forever! — but for the moment. Oh fuckpringles I can’t even do this right. Anyway I don’t have much of anything interesting to share as of just yet, but I figured you guys could use a new comic thread plus I found a couple of things elsewhere to share, as follows:
The Monstro-Draw Livejournal of Steve Wolfhard. I am not super into the Cat Rackham comics though they are nicely drawn plus designed plus colored: scroll further. The Schrödinger’s Cat comic is genius, with five randomly generated endings, all funny. The other cartoons are also worthwhile.
If commercial-making motherfuckers figure out that they should skip the first step where they make the commercial, and go straight to Phase Two, we are all doomed to poverty and more Slap Chops than we can possibly use, by which I mean use to sleep on in our cardboard lean-tos. God help us all.
Shit, I’m hungry now. Also check out this human’s other photos.
I think I like the “original, awful sounding demo version” of the Invader Zim theme even better than the actual one.
Man I wasn’t even aware that once upon a time the punk-rock-ironic-cover-thing used to be good.
Anyway that is stuff. And, comments:
[33] the plan is manifest
People are asking me, what are your plans for convention season? At least, somebody asked me that like four months ago. Anyway since it is convention season I feel like I should apprise you readers of those plans, for they are momentous and go like this:
• do taxes
• cry
• don’t have shit to sell
• don’t have money to buy shit, either
These are my convention plans! I am super excited about them and can’t wait to put them into action. This weekend will rule. Rule like Sauron in Mordor, minus the excellent possibility of Jimmy Page riffs, that is.
But I am back doing comics, it seems, in form if not in spirit. One day I shall crack the “doing comics in six panels” frontier that, oh, 80% of cartoonists can do. And then. And then!
MEDIA UPDATE
Gonna experiment with moving the media reviews I post here in lieu of having anything actual to talk about – you know, those things – on Twitter instead, in bite-sized sentences, since who gives a crap really. Summary of notable screenings: Let The Right One In indispensable; Accelerando good overall, better the further-out it got, but disappointing ending.
NOT WITH THE CROWBARS
I owe two people things and I am working on them!
STUFF I FOUND TO ENTERTAIN YOU WHILE I MEET WITH PITIFUL FAILURE
It’s that thing you’ve seen before, but it’s different and it’s on the internet! However this is short and worth a laugh.
What the Christ even Youtube commenters agree on this one.
The cutting edge in laptop technology.
Aaaaaaaaaah aaaa aaaa aaaaaa! On the other hand we appear to have some time before the ED-209s come online, so there’s that.
Animation! This one was sent to me by a reader before I went away for a week. It reminds me a lot of the opening scene in Princess Mononoke. If I could do stuff like this in Flash, I would be… about as desperate, but able to do cooler things.
This clinical take on Little Red Riding Hood is nice indeed + mad inspirational to yrs. truly. Digressions!
Another neat little animation: The Seed.
So, reader peoples, put on your seat belts and stow your electronic devices, and prepare for cross-check. In true Nobody Scores! style we’ll be spending three hours on the taxi ramp, in hopes that somebody will tragically explode and we can all laugh at him.
[39] exit left, pursued by theraspids
Hi there reader peoples! I am going to be gone for a week so no comics unfortunately.
If you’d like you can dish about cultural epiphenomena in the comment space here; stuff like the BSG finale (I was pulling for Racetrack to Wedge her way all the way to the end, there. Also I think some internet people expect things that no TV series finale, ever, has delivered), that Dollhouse thingy (I… don’t really see the angle to the whole scenario there; if it’s a performance-art style fuck-you-for-watching-me thing, I don’t think Whedon’s pulling it off. But it’s nice to see Olivia “Rushmore” Williams getting work again), or, you know, if you know of stuff that’s interesting and new and even intellectual sound the heads-up, I’m just going along with the usual stuff at the dork water cooler. I tried to find a bunch of funny stuff on the internet to tide you guys over but again I am defeated.
Back soon, though I might show up in the comments of course.
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