the wayback machine, or teenage jesus and the jerks
Let’s go back. I don’t really want to tell you exactly far back we’re going here, because it makes me feel undead, but we’re going back aways. My first real comic. Not real as in, like, publishable, or particularly readable, I’m just talking about form here. I was gonna make my irreverent mark on the world with this one as the super amazing gifted talented funny little cartoon kid I was, right? So what was this comic? One guess. You’re right! How often does that happen? It’s a superhero parody:
(I did this picture today, as if I were drawing it the way I wanted it to look back then. I don’t have any of my old art around here, which is unfortunate, because it would make you laugh, me cry, and those of you aspiring artists out there feel like you can take my monkey ass out.)
The, um, X-Dudes. Yeah. Because it was all irreverent and shit, they did things like curse and wear different clothes each episode and have knock-down-drag-out fights with the principal in his zit pit beneath the school basement. All of which are features of Nobody Scores, come to think of it, except for that last thing, but who knows what I’ll resort to one of these days.
Getting more painful now. From left to right: Flash Borden, irreverent capitalist wisecracker and group “leader”, whose superpower was of course his stuff, namely a pair of laser pistols; Ninja Chick, who as I said way back during my year-anniversary hiatus eventually evolved into Jane Doe somehow; NNNNGH OH GOD The Ming GUHHH whose superpower was the ability to summon priceless Ming vases from around the world, and (usually) throw them at stuff; (below) URRRRGH The Incredible Bulk GAHH basically an even more lunkheaded and lazy version of The Thing (I didn’t bother keeping the parodies straight – it was a point of pride even then); second from right, Robodude, half teenager half robot; and Jimbo the ‘Fro, looking more swank than I ever drew him back then, whose superpower was all the shit he could pull out of his then-painfully-unhip-Afro. He also had basically the personality of Franklin from Peanuts.
GAH.
Now, what I want to direct your attention to is Robodude, second from right. Half-man, half-robot, his robot arm stored several different instruments in its indeterminate robospace, as follows:
There was also, I’m pretty sure, a chainsaw for mixing it up melee style. Destructive guy, right?
Now, all of this is long-winded I know but I must properly set the scene for the impact the trailer of Machine Girl had on me when, as my brother pointed me towards it, it entered my optic nerves for the very first time. Why don’t you see it for yourself.
This is an impressive movie. “Made of awesome,” you might say. And this is well and good. But as you ponder what you have seen, know that this movie, wonderful as it may be, was not made for you. It was made for me. Me. Not you. Mine.
Dish about whatever in the comments, so long as you realize the truth that Machine Girl is mine and not yours.