the inevitable, tragic results of intravenous eggnog lattes
Greetings! I greet you with greetings from beside my roaring hearth. Nearby, sonorous classics and the future of songcraft (watch this one all the way through, link-clickers, and trust my wisdom) wind their way through the air. On the mantle, the crescent fresh urns of my ancestors. On the floor, a mat that says “greetings.” I evade your punch.
THE BITTER TASTE OF ICY OBLIVION echo echo echo
The tale of Nobody Scores With Snow Days is scarcely less unvarnished than the previous autobiographical indulgence (which I had originally planned to use to reanimate my long-slumbering art blog, but energy continues to dissipate from my withered, ghoulish frame) – for I live in Portland, Oregon, which – and this may surprise you, because it surprised me – despite its respectable latitude, dominates the “wacky hopeless snow driver” sector of online videos. Indeed, during a snow day here, you are guaranteed – guaranteed! – to see some hapless specimen fucking up with his car. Tourist tip. Especially attractive to tourists from the U.S. East Coast or other areas (England? Western Europe? Siberia?) where dudes don’t instantly crap their pants at the sight of ice on the road.
CONSIDERATIONS AND CONSTERNATIONS
Annoyances: a) I do so love drawing people screwing up with cars, but b) as per the established Nobody Scores! setting, only Sara and Raoul have cars. Fact c): “The womenz can’t drive” is like paleosexist Johnny Hart material, outweighed only by fact d): “The black guyz can’t drive” is aw jeez don’t even, so scenario e) is in effect, where if I want to show Sara terrorizing the road, for she does indeed fall into exactly that negative stereotype, I have to show nameless others being similarly horrible, or else violate the setting to equalize the joke: it is, after all, Nobody Scores and failure in these parts is strictly an egalitarian affair. But sadly frustrating, for I will never get to fully indulge my urge to draw terrible drivers. Perhaps in my next comic I’ll write in a 16-year-old boy who terrorizes the neighborhood as much as possible with his ecoblimpscooter. See it just isn’t the saame
THE TIGHT HOLIDAY SCHEDULE
Very tight indeed as I have to finish the maximum amount of comics in a minimal amount of time. Somebody from the internet found where I live, you see, and is staying at my place now. He just keeps sitting there cradling his nailgun and an alarming number of those airtight medical specimen pouches. I can tell he’s from the internet because he keeps saying he doesn’t even expect the comics to be any good. And really that’s kind of a motivation killer so I always try to just focus on the medical bags.
Anyway there will appear one comic very soon, on the 19 Fri/20 Sat border. Then there will appear another comic on Monday the 22nd. Then I fly away for a week to frolic amongst Mongolians. I return on the 30th and hastily produce a comic to go up on New Year’s Eve hopefully well before nightfall, thus ending the entire production run of Nobody Scores! for, uh, 2008.