i find yr. awesome problematic
You may have seen this before since it’s been all over the internet. With it, I have achieved satori. Merry Christmas, fuckers, I’m a buddha now.
You’ll notice that the accursed bacon stands in the place of hydrogen, whereas, by way of counterexample, sex has been swapped out for ununtrium. Ununtrium. For handy reference ununtrium is one of those fake elements they discovered in a particle accelerator that lasts like half a nanosecond. Ah, but satori: awesomeness is primarily determined by males between the ages of 16 and 24. Which is good and just. If it were determined by older people, everybody would just wind up quoting Monty Python for centuries. But where this falls down – obviously – is food.
Bacon retains its place of pride amongst foodstuffs in the awesomeness table, you see, because bacon is basically impossible to fuck up. You cook bacon, and it comes out tasting like bacon. You burn it, it tastes like bacon. You can even microwave it. And it will also taste like bacon. This is very handy when you are otherwise an incompetent cook. So bacon is “awesome.” You’ll also note that, as per the table, beef jerky, ramen, and Kool Aid are also “awesome.” But see, the larger world knows that shit just means you’re “poor” and “eat like crap.” I should know having eaten that for dinner on Saturday night.
The obvious measure is to revoke all awesomeness-determination rights in regards to, specifically, food from the 16-24-year-old male demographic, who henceforth get no say (apologies, 16-to-24 male readers, I’m sure many of you are quite the gourmets, but you aren’t making these lists are you) and bestow them upon the 45-55-year old demographic, who might possibly know from food a little better. Thus the council has spoken. And it is so.
The Nobody Scores! staff belongs to neither of these demographics, so we humbly and sneakily offer bonus content in the form of “What is Awesome in 2009” as an addendum to the previous comic, and also as, simply, a nomination of possible awesome things. Awesome is, of course, truly determined by the people.
A separate comic is still coming on Monday the 22nd. Then I hopefully go on break, or else get stuck snowed in, in which case I get to pen the angriest Christmas cartoon ever.
PLEDGE DRIVE PLEDGE DRIVE
Also sneakily added is a Paypal donation button on the bottom of the sidebar there. Well, I’ve sort of ruined the stealth aspect now, haven’t I? Believe it or not someone sent me an e-mail once requesting such a button on the site. Believe me! Okay, fine.
I won’t beg or anything. I will however note that all donations received go towards the comic first – first priority, hosting fees, second, advertising (I am working on that too), third, development of new products for the store, and/or art supplies I guess. Only in times of dire hunger will the donations go towards the procurement of delicious palak paneer and tandoori chicken. Cheers!