Sara PetersonRaoul WalkerNobody Scores! - a little comic about inevitable disasterBeans MulroneyJane Doe

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Produced 10 years too late, Nobody Scores! has nevertheless benefitted from my 10 years of accrued life experience, the thrust of which is that life experiences are bad and should be avoided whenever possible. It also prompts me into meaningless digressions. But what you're wondering is this:

As well you should! Lemme explain:

Anything can happen in the universe where Nobody Scores! As long as it involves pain. (fig. 1)

The scenario of Nobody Scores! should be very easy to understand because just like thousands of web comics the world over it revolves around three young roommates in an apartment.

Sara P. (fig. 2) She'll tell you she's a creature of enlightened self-interest. She's got the wit, drive, determination, and sheer bitch evil of the group. Naturally she works in the marketing department of a major corporation. She likes tasteful decorations, good clean boys with good clean jobs and clear career advancement paths, hats, motivational materials, and reality TV. But, she's got enough wit, charm, and brains that you'd probably like her as a casual acquaintance. She's paying the rent.

Jane Doe. (fig. 3) She's changed her name so many times she got fed up with the process and stuck with this one. She's been best friends with Sara since early high school (she was the cool one, Sara the nerd) and only now are the two of them starting to wonder exactly why they're still such buds. Jane's got tons of kickass impulses and sweet new obsessions and pursues them in the manner properly befitting America's least responsible citizen. She likes hard rock, hard liquor, badass guys in large amounts, and mass confusion. She is not paying the rent.

Beans.(fig. 4) He moved in three or four months ago on the premise that he would be paying part of the rent, and that hasn't exactly materialized, so: freeloader number two. The purpose of Beans' existence is to wrestle with his art, his status as a Nice Guy with the Right Opinions, his issues, and his hangups. He likes cutting-edge art and cutting-edge music, which means of course he doesn't like either much at all. The one rare resource he's got is a functioning conscience! Aw. Fat lot of good it does him in the Nobodyscoresiverse.

So these three plot and scheme and strive and dream in their second-floor apartment and unfortunately elsewhere as well, and see their dreams bear fruit, causing frequent death and millions of dollars of property damage. Exactly the way it is for countless young adults the world over! I think it should be real easy to relate to. Because I'm keeping it true to life.

Oh, yeah, and there's Raoul. (fig. 5) The poor sod who lives downstairs, he knows six languages, holds two doctorates, has authored a variety of influential papers, attends no less than nine important international conferences a year, and is busy compiling a definitive tome on the relationship between certain currents of late 20th century philosophy and trends in sociology. That may seem a little vague but lord knows I the author am not qualified to get any more specific about it. All this serves him well in his adjunct teaching position in a local third-tier public college, allowing him to afford a first-floor apartment below three of the greatest scourges humanity has to offer. So he hates us all.

You can click on their little portraits in the topbar if you're having trouble remembering. Handy!

Anything else?


"But she just died!" (fig.6)

Yeah, that's the other thing. There's no continuity in Nobody Scores! Unless specified by a handy sign that says "Part One" or "Part Two." So when the world gets overrun by wombats or Sara becomes a vampire or Beans dies of consumption, everything goes rewind before the next comic, exposing our beloved cast to more horrible, horrible fates. Imagine Groundhog Day without a victory condition.

Yaaaay Nobody Scores!

You can check out this page to bone up on the smattering of recurring bit characters you may find in these action-packed Nobody Scores! comics, if you are feeling super studious.

Now that you are enlightened, you may go read all of my comics with confidence! Or, other emotions.


all contents of this page are copyright © 2006 Brandon Bolt, all rights reserved, mine mine mine.